Adventurer

 

I just finished listening to Brandon Sanderson’s The Sunlit Man. In the postscript of the book, he talks about how he is a storyteller and how he would write books even if he knew no one would read them.

Listening to that I found myself being a bit envious, not because I wanted to be a storyteller like Brandon, but because I wanted to know who I was like Brandon knew who he was. I feel like this is something that I have been struggling with for years. I have long wanted to know who it is I truly am so I can know where I should go and do what I should do and do those things in a way that would be true to myself. I’ve wanted this for so long because I realized if you don’t do the things that are true to who you are, everything you do is a lie, you’re going against who you are, and it doesn’t work.

There is a show on BYUtv that I really enjoy watching called Artful. It is a show that tells the stories of artists. I love watching the show because I get to hear the journeys so many have taken to get to where they are as artists. Watching the show, I longed for what each of the people featured had. At first, I thought it was the fact that they were artists, only artists could live this way. What I came to realize, however, is that what each of the people portrayed had wasn’t what they did, it was the fact that they knew that they were artists and they were living their lives in harmony with who they are.

Back to the end of Brandon’s book, when he mentioned he was a storyteller, that envy, that longing similar to what I experienced watching Artful welled up and I found myself again wishing I had what Brandon had, a knowledge of who he was and the fact that he was following who he was.

But something different happened this time when I was faced with a life in harmony with its own nature. I did not just have envy for this person, I realized why I had envy for this person. I finally realized that Brandon knew what he was, and he was living his life as that person. This led me to realize I too could have what Brandon, and all of those artists have, I too could feel content living a life in harmony with who I am.

The problem now was figuring out and knowing what I am. Am I a storyteller or an artist? No, I knew I wasn’t either of those things. I turned off the audio book and just thought as I was walking and asked myself, “so what I am I?”. I thought it would take a lot of time thinking and contemplating and possibly meditating to figure out what I am, but the answer came almost immediately. I am an Adventurer.

One of the earliest decisions I made that would have a profound effect on my life was to join the Army at age 17, the earliest age possible. I joined the Army because I wanted to jump out of airplanes and I wanted to travel, two things that joining the Army allowed me to do. In high school I joined an Explorer Post associated with the county Search & Rescue team. I also got my scuba certification while I was in high school I love traveling, I love going to new places and seeing new things and experiencing new experiences. My favorite YouTube channels are people that travel and see new things. My current job as an airline pilot allows me to go to new places but it also allows me to literally be the person that takes me (and the other passengers) there. Flying as a helicopter and airplane pilot has been its own form of being an adventurer.

I have to admit, realizing who I am so quickly was a big shock to me, again, I thought it would take a lot of time to figure it out. But at the same time figuring it out so quickly in a way that confirms who I suspect I am, I truly am.

So now what, how do I live my life true to myself? How do I live my life in a way that is in harmony with my nature? I think the first thing is to not feel guilty pursuing adventure. It can be expensive and time consuming. Expending resources of time and money on something that seems frivolous certainly makes me feel guilty, especially when I have a family that deserves that time and money as much or more than I do. I think though, it does not have to be a me or them kind of thing, I can spend my time and money adventuring with my family not away from them, I want them to be there with me.

What else does this look like? How else do I do this? I’m really not sure. But one thing that has come of this realization, I can embrace who I am and not feel guilty about it, I can learn new ways to be adventurous and expand the ways I already am.

I think this blog will help as well. Writing down my thoughts about life and myself will help me to learn better about myself and how to live in harmony with who I am.